I'm in the middle of what might be the end of my marriage. I've been with my wife for nearly 10 years. We've been married for 3 and a half years and we have 2 kids under 4 together.
After sensing something was wrong for some time I finally worked up the courage to ask my wife if there was anything that had gone wrong, a reason why she was pushing me away.
She told me that she has feelings for a girl that she works with and that she wasn't sure if she wanted to pursue it.
I was in complete shock when she told me. I had no idea that she was interested in girls. She told me that she wasn't sure if she was gay, but couldn't deny her feelings. She had felt something for another girl before we met but those feelings faded so she thought that perhaps she was straight afterall.
She didn't want to throw our marriage away, especially if the feelings she had were just a passing phase like before. The girl she has feelings for is also her best friend and by opening up about how she feels she was afraid she was going to lose her as a friend too.
As you might imagine I'm pretty gutted by the whole revelation. The possibility of losing my family over something I seem to have no control over is tearing me up inside.
The question asked of me was - can I live in a relationship where my partner had openly confessed to wanting to be with someone else? Live with the possibility that should their friendship evolve into something more I would lose my wife.
After spending the day thinking it over I came to the conclusion that I was prepared to work on our relationship, but only if my wife confronted her feelings for her friend and decided that she wanted to stay in this marriage. And if that was to happen she needed to cut her ties with this girl. I never wanted to be the type of husband that says "It's her or me" but I can't see how our marriage can survive with this other person in our life.
My wife insisted that she couldn't decide on what she wants to do without first telling her friend how she felt. She said that it didn't mean that she would leave if the feelings were mutual, just that she would need to consider who she wants to be with. And further to that, even if nothing came of her confession, she did not want to give up her best friend.
I asked her to go to her friend straight away and confront her feelings. I just couldn't live with this hanging over us any longer. So she did and her friend didn't feel the same way.
My wife now says that she wants to work on our relationship, and she will do anything to make things right. But she doesn't want to stop spending time with her friend. She insists that I'm not her "second prize" and that she still loves me but I can't help but feel like I am. It hurts me deeply that she would feel this way for someone else. I feel like I deserve to be with someone who isn't confused about who she loves.
The only other option I have is to walk away. As much as that might be the best thing to do I just can't comtemplate leaving my family. They are everything to me and without them I literary have nothing...
So I just want to know if I'm just being stupid to think that a relationship can outlast this kind of problem. If I had to leave my family I will have nowhere to go. I moved intestate to be with her and the only family we have here is hers. I have no support network, not enough money to rent a new place to stay and the only place I can go to get those things takes me too far away from my kids.
And I would like to know if anyone else thinks it's unreasonable for her to insist on still spending time with her friend? I'm not ok with it. I feel for my wife because I know she finds it hard to make friends but I can't accept it. Risking her family for a friendship says a lot to me about what value she places on those relationships.
I have no one talk to about this. I love my wife very much and as much as she has hurt me it wouldn't be fair for me to "out" her confusion about her sexuality to anyone else.
I'm so confused right now. I just want to know if we can be happy again.
Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/42483-my-wife-might-gay.html
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